The Judicious Paradox

2006-08-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

CLICK CLICK CLICK! BIGGER! BETTER! LONGER!

FUCKERS STAY OUT.

BLOG CLOSED.

Where's my home?

2006-06-21T12:08:00.000+08:00

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. I so feel like I'm demising into this enticing world of eternal slumber and just get someone to tell me a joke and make me die of laughter.

Yes, I decided the best way for me to die is from laughing too hard. I have already thought of it since I was like three or four.

To digress a little, I really don't know if anyone actually died of laughter before, but I bet it'd be the coolest and happiest(duh) method to die. Imagine lying on your deathbed, with barely a few minutes left in your health meter(ala Street Fighter style), and you find your family and friends weeping, grieving and giving words of comfort whilst holding tightly onto your sweat-soaked hand.

You: Son, please don't. Sorrow does not run in our family. I vowed that I'd die laughing, and I want you to grant me just that.
Son: But dad, what can I do?
You: Just tell me a goddamn joke, son. Please, my only request for the RM5 million you're about to inherit from me.
Son: Wahlaoeh, RM5 millio... ahem, okay dad, this might be awkward, but here goes.
You: *cough cough* yes, go ahead my son.
Son: What's the difference between a bucket of shit and lawyers?
You: I have no idea, what?
Son: The bucket! HAHAHAHAHA.
You: It's not even a bit funny, and in case you've forgotten, I'm a lawyer.
Son: Woops. Er, lets see. Okay I have one! What Singh has a very foul-mouth?
You: Tiu-nia-singh. I told you this joke when you were 5 years old. *cough* Son, I'm really dying! Please, just make me laugh! Be serious!
Son: Dad! I really don't know what to do already-lah! How to be serious in making you laugh when you're dying! That is like the ultimate contradiction!
You: Okay, fine. Call your sister in, she tells better jokes than you *cough*
Son: Che che is not here, dad. She flew over to London to watch Mawi in concert.
You: *cough cough cough cough* Mawi is performing in London?
Son: Yeah dad, he's going international.
You: *cough giggle giggle choke choke giggle cough choke*
Son: Dad?! DAD?! MUM! Come in! I think I just told daddy a joke and he died laughing! *weeps*

Now, how cool is that? I even had this thought that St. Peter would grant people who died laughing a special VIP room up in heaven. For real.

Okay okay, get back to topic. I seriously so feel like dying. Here's why.

9AM: Out of bed. Get ready for work
10AM: In office. Work work work work work.
12:30PM: Lunch.
2PM: Work work work work work.
7PM: Dinner straight from office.
8PM: With Amy.
9PM: World Cup.
11PM: Have a drink.
12AM: World Cup.
2AM: Short drink.
3AM: World Cup.
6AM: Home.
7AM: Sleep.
9AM: Restart the cycle.

21 hours out of the house almost every fuckin' day! That's insane! Bah, I think World Cup kills, not cigarettes. I only get 2 hours of sleep per day, that is like equivalent to two TVB dramas you watch on Astro. And that is absolutely fantastically crazy for a month running. Better stop better stop.

Oh yeah, on a brighter note, I came out on Malaysia's Book of Records! Whee! Finally, a picture of me can be found in a bookstore! For those who didn't know, I broke the record for pulling two yachts with both my right and left testicles whilst playing the trumpet and dribbling a football. Wait no, I did not break the record, I set it. Hah.

=\ Sorry-lah, needed some ego-boosting for a moment there.

Win win win!

2006-06-15T13:33:00.000+08:00

It has only been the sixth day of the World Cup and I'm already bored of it. For the past few nights consecutively, this is what I get:

First match - Win. Yay. Laugh laugh talk cock sing song play ping pong with King Kong.
Second match - Lose. Cheebye.
Third match - No guts to place it.

So at the end of the day, I end up with what I started off with. No Nikon S5 for me yet =(

I didn't state what I mean by wining and losing, because if I did, I'd end up in the ISA lock-up tonight, and there's no TV for me to watch my matches there.

Anyway, this entry has to be really really brief because I'm in the office and I have a meeting in an hour, and I'm so unprepared. By the way, my monitor back home got fried, so I can't possibly update during the night. Please pray that I'd be blessed with a windfall for the following matches, so I can get a LG flat screen or something. My friends are aiming for a condo ok?! So I'm realistic and mortified within my own standards. Just a camera, a flat screen and a pair of Oakleys will be sufficient to satisfy my lusts for the meantime.

Oh shit, this page and my former blog was surprisingly nominated for the Best Malaysian Blog Awards. For real. Though I find it quite a decent surprise, but I'm not really sure if getting the extra exposure is such a good idea after all. My former blog suffered the consequences of "overexposure" so to say. Heh.

Anyway, I'm #52 on the nomination list.

Gotta run now before I get some buttsex from my Creative Director. Be good boys and girls!

Login f a i l e d

2006-06-12T01:13:00.001+08:00

So sorry guys, I couldn't log on to Blogger for the past few days, hence the absence of my updates.

Plus, I was down with fever.

The World Cup fever, that is.

Will update in office later in the morning, well, that's the only time when the TV is not with me =)

The Number of The Beast.

2006-06-05T12:22:00.000+08:00

First, I was really engaged in my workload. Then, I fell sick. After that, I just got plain *ahem* lazy to update. My apologies.

So I watched X-Men III last Saturday night, walking in the cinema desperately trying to recollect what happened in Part I and Part II because all I remembered of X-Men was just claws-unveiling-storm-bringing-eyes-beaming blood-spilling no-brainer of an action movie. However, X-Men III really surpassed my expectations, it was actually pretty good, with a fairly good storyline and topped off with some drama. I shall provide no spoilers here for the benefit of those who has yet to watch it.

Overall, I'd give it a rating of 8/10.

Kitty was so damn gorgeously cute and hot and stunning and adorable and cute and lovely and cute and beautiful and cute and sweet and cute. What's her real name by the way?

Oh yeah, tomorrow is supposedly the day of the Beast as said. 06-06-06. Triple SIX. 666. The number of the Beast. The number of the devil, no, not his extension, just his auspicious number.

It is also speculated that on this day, something atrocious will befall on the helpless world. A massacre of war between nations? Another monstrous disaster? Assholic terrorists to strike? Or perhaps another Mawi endorsed advertisement on newspapers again? We don't know.

"Because the date June 6 2006 is abbreviated as 06/06/06 or 6/6/6 in some countries, it has attracted attention as having some connection to the mark of the Beast. The Omen, a remake of the 1976 movie The Omen that deals with the birth of the Antichrist, will open, and the heavy metal band band Slayer starts off their Unholy Alliance Tour on this date as well. The day will be celebrated among fans of the metal genre, as the number 666 plays a prominent role in many metal bands and songs." -Wikipedia

Apparently the Bible had their say on this numeric symbol, Wikipedia had theirs, so what's mine?

JUNE 6 2006 IS THREE FUCKING DAYS AWAY FROM THE WORLD CUP. NOW GET OVER WITH IT AND BRING IN THE BEERS ALREADY! Go Netherlands! Show them who's the BEAST! RAWR!

That's mine.

Hectic hectic!

2006-05-31T03:01:00.000+08:00

So sorry guys, I've been very occupied with tonnes of work in the office lately, hence, the absence of my updates.

I'll try to sneak in an entry tomorrow in the office yeah?

Be good!

10 20 Things I hate about everything

2006-05-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling bitchy, so I shall list down the things that annoys me and I loathe most.

1) When I have absulotely no work to do in the office. Like now. Wait, let me rephrase: When I have absolutely no work to do in the office and I'm fucking sleepy. Like for the past week.

2) When people get my name pronunciation wrong, over and over again. *refer to previous entry*

3) When dumbasses try to detach my head by hitting it with their big fat hideous butts whilst trying to squeeze through in between seats at restaurants or mamaks.

4) When people I dislike trys to spark a pseudo-friendly conversation with me, when they know they shouldn't.

5) Advertisements on TV. Yeah yeah so what if I'm in the advertising industry, I hate getting my good ol' Lost suspense disrupted.

6) People spilling me the spoilers of a movie/book/show I'm about to watch/read. Psst, Ana-Lucia died anyway. Nyeh heh heh.

7) The way my car guzzles fuel like how I drink my Gatorade after football.

8) Desperados who add me in Friendster only for the sole purpose of gaining more "friends", and for some ego-boosting.

9) Cashiers who hand me back my change, all drenched up from their filthy shitstained fingers.

10) People, usually couples, that need 10 minutes to buy a movie ticket at the cinema counter. Really agitative big time. "Oi choosing wife ar?!"

11) People who think that their race is more superior than mine, their religion is holier than art thou whateverfuck nonsense. We're all the same, we're all screwed in this sad world.

12) My bitch Ashley, when she gets really noisy and starts licking me all over the place. And if you're thinking about licking me on THAT particular area... sad to say, you're right, she does that too, to everyone.

13) Backstabbers. If you have issues with me, come right up and confront, we'll solve it over a game of "Rock Paper & Scissors". Fine, best of three rounds just for you.

14) Kancils with louder-than-helicopter exhausts, but could hardly exit the 1Utama basement parking without flooring the pedal to the maximum and burn some rubbers.

15) Self-proclaiming themselves as "Hot chicks" by ~~ugly fat bitches~~ not-so-pretty girls. Just love the yourself the way God made you. Don't claim that you resemble Zhang ZiYi when God actually had Anita Sarawak in mind.

16) When people didn't pick up my calls when they're expecting it.

17) Wet and foul-smelling washrooms. I need to take a shit, but not literally "take". Thank you.

18) Dim yellow/orange lights. They induce me to sleepiness, dizziness and grouchiness.

19) When I'm broke and the weekend is here.

20) Last but not least, when people think that there're too many things that I despise.

So there, a few of the things that I really really get agitated over with. Well o f course there are more, but these are the primary ones.

Not too difficult to piss me off, ain't it? ;)

"Angel? Eagle? Oh forget it"

2006-05-24T12:50:00.000+08:00

These are the few usual attempts I frequently get from people whom I've just met, hopelessly trying to get my name right. Eagle. Angel. Le T-jer. Pigeon. Le Jier. You name it, they've tried pronouncing it. Sometimes, I don't even know if I should cry or laugh seeing people get so baffled and worked up over a name, but years and years of embarrassment has got me accustomed to all these awkward scenarios.

"Ie Tjer. My name is Ie Tjer. Pronounced as E Jer, silent 'I' and 'T'", I always had to retort back with a blushed face. And they'd go on and on for the next hour or so commenting on how unique and distinctive my name is. Yeah, rub it in bitch. And then some would ask me what does my name represent in Mandarin, to which, I'm totally clueless about. With a name like that, I presumed that it's either there's no specific definition for it in Mandarin, or, it must be something equally as stupid. Hrmph.

I used to hate "Firt-days" so much. The first day of kindergarten, the first day of primary school, the first day of high schooling, the first day of college, the first day at work, the first day of a date. Bah. I'm always considered absent for my first-days because I don't even realize it when my name was called for the attendance. "Wong Le T-jier" "Er, Wong Le-T-jier tak ada kah?"

Cheebye, how the fuck am I supposed to know it's me?! =(

So fine, when I got my first job, I decided to address myself as Wang, less-hassle and easier to pronounce right? Wrong. First, people tend to call me Wong, which I rarely respond to because there are so many Wongs on the streets and also because, hm, lets see.. maybe because... my surname is not fuckin' WONG goddammit! Its WANG. WANG!!!

And with Wang comes another quandary. People start calling me "Money", "Duit", "Sungei Wang" etc. Kanineh really too much man these people. Even my ex-boss keeps calling me Money in the office, loudly.. in front of everyone. Fuck him, I resigned. Hah that penislips had it coming eh? Hrmph. Sometimes I just feel like propelling a two by four up these people's butthole and ask them to call me Daddy. I mean, it's alright if you're really lost about my ~~stupendous~~ name. But to ridicule it intentionally, that's over the line mate. Rawr.

Sigh. Why didn't my parents give me a name which is more common like Ah Lok or Chee Seng or Christopher, or maybe ~~Jude Law~~ Alex? My brother Ian had it easy. Why not me? =\

Hah. And if you think that my name is weird. My cousin calls himself Jupiter Wang. For real. Ohmyfuckinggodinsanity.

We meet again.

2006-05-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

Picking up from where I last left off about, urm, three months ago? I’ve loads of updates to dispense. For starters, I’ve already forsaken my former blog because well…I got bored of it. Plus, it was attracting far too many unknown visitors for my liking and some sensitive entries had people leaving negative comments on it. So much so, dimwits were dribbling bullshits and menaces from their mouth right onto my blog, heck, I even got threaten once, in person. So yeah, here’s a start for a new blog, for the 14th time, hehe.

Good news #1, I’m employed. As excruciating as it may sound to some of you that a 21 year old like me has to face up and survive in this ever barbarous corporate world, but somehow I enjoy my job, I really do, astonishingly. Oh I’m working as a Copywriter by the way, my dream profession since young and creative writing was something that I really want to strive and excel in, thus, no complains from me, at least not for now.

It is also because of my Copywriting job that I decided to resurrect my blogging activities again. One can never learn enough of English, ain't it? =) In case some of you are clueless to what Copywriting is or what does a Copywriter do, well fundamentally, we write, creatively. Yup, that's what we do. Majority of Copywriters are based in Advertising agencies like myself, and we're responsible to come up with creative and persuasive words in advertisements to trick foolish and gullible consumers like you. Nyeh heh heh. If by now you still have no fuckin' idea what a Copywriter is or what they do, one word for you, Wikipedia.

Good news #2, I think I'm perking up in Foosball. though indisputably still one of the worst amongst my friends, but I think I've improved gradually well ever since I started 3 months ago. The funny thing is, I used to think that Foosball is the most dumbass and money-sucking game ever. But oh well, peer pressure prevails and now I'm going around inviting people for a game or two when everyone is starting to lose interest in it. Damn, I'm always a late-starter for everything. =(

Good news #3, my computer is so damn much faster now, minus the stalls and hangs which utterly frustrates the shit outta me in the past. My brother decided to revamp the whole jackshit and now it's running faster than Michael Johnson.

Hm, bad news. My aunt passed away three weeks ago from colon cancer. She has been struggling with this fatal disease for the past two years, and three weeks ago it proved to be a fight with no avail. Distressing, but at least I can find comfort in knowing that she'd be in heaven with God. Rest in Peace Aunt Lydia. ;)

Another bad news. I'm broke. It's only the 23rd of the month and I've spent my salary on God-knows-what. I'm left with less than RM150 to endure the remaining 8 days for the month. I'm so fucked. And just when things couldn't seem to be worst, the fuel warning indicator in my car has already greeted me yesterday. Speaking of which, my car is a totally crazy-ass petrol guzzler, RM115 for a full tank can you believe that?! I'd be better off with a bicycle and a bottle of 100Plus each morning to work. Sheesh.

Anyway on a brighter note, I'd be holidaying in Bangkok in August with Amy, her sister and the boyfriend, which I really can't figure why of all places they chose Bangkok? Especially when you're going as a couple. Hrm. And apparently I'm in-charged to come up with the "places to visit" during the vacation, but when Bangkok comes into mind, I kept envisioning some dirty hairy Thai hooker with a package below neatly tucked underneath. Ugh.

I mean, what else is there to do in Bangkok?

Shopping? I'd rather opt for Singapore.

Food? Hong Kong would be a better option.

Clubs? We have the UK.

Sightseeing? New Zealand please.

See, I really don't see what's the attraction in Bangkok other than to bang-cock. Really. Too bad I don't hump whores, never did, never will. It's my philosophy to live past thirty.

Anyways, I hope I'd still have loads of fun with Amy. Fingers crossed.